Daily Readings
Loss
Death and taxes. Both inescapable. And there’s a third. Loss. Inevitable in everyone’s life, in small portions and huge. Learning to live in the cauldron of loss is perhaps the ongoing challenge of our lives. And you, my friend, are experiencing loss both in tiny waves and tsunami proportions. Your person’s memory and cognition in general are unwrapping quietly and loudly. You’ve lost one or two parents by now. Some pets. The fine features of your youth, and sadly, some friends. And now, you’re earning an advanced degree in the loss of a loved one’s cognitive function. On any given day, it really is all too much.
PRACTICE
As we turn the prism a degree or two, we see some other aspects of life’s losses. Poor you, for sure, but that’s only one tiny facet of the prism of being. Loss connects you to every other bugger on the planet who’s experiencing it. Not only aren’t you alone, but you’re also not unique. What’s left for you when the loss peels back? What’s at the center? Your precious humanity, that’s what. Your ability to withstand great and crushing hardship and stand still, with the strength of Gibraltar. What’s left is the only indelible thing amongst all things; that all things will come this way. Impermanence is not a theory. It is reality. You are looking for understanding and meaning in a moment that will soon be over. For God’s sake, acknowledge the loss, let it walk beside you, not on top of you. And keep stepping.
MEDITATION
As you follow your breath in a seated position, inhale hello, exhale goodbye.
Driving
One of the highest of high hurdles you’ll encounter is the subject of driving. It’s actually higher than that. Think pole vaulting. Depending on your person, their level of obstinance, need for autonomy, and their driving skill, this matter might have you over a barrel or perhaps under a bridge. If your person has been a prideful driver this will be tough. There comes a time when the GPS is of no help and they’re calling you for guidance. And finding the car in any given parking lot is impossible. Of course, you have them on your own ‘find my geezer’ app, thank God. You’ll know when it’s time to put the car keys in the urn with your last pet’s ashes. Beats having two urns on the mantel.
PRACTICE
For the drive or die crowd, you may call in the big guns, your family physician. Many of them comply where dementia on the road is concerned. A quick visit and an accompanying story about the doctor’s patient who had documented dementia and got into an accident. The other driver was hurt, sadly, and they sued for personal injury and got a huge settlement at the dementia patient’s family’s expense. And they came after the wife too. Scared straight isn’t a bad concept, especially when it works.
MEDITATION
As you follow your breath in a seated position, inhale LYFT, exhale Judge Judy.
Fate
Given your present situation, you may sometimes feel that you’re the brunt of an unfunny joke or a cruel trick of fate. It’s as though the Gods are either tricking you or testing you. Maybe both. Here you are, minding your own business and boom! Suddenly, you’re racing after your beloved as they sail backward, and you’re trying to catch up with them as they recede. The faster you run, the farther back they sail. There’s no catching up with what was. That part certainly feels cruel. Yet they are still your person and that is ceaselessly valid. How you react, respond, and manage for both of you, is not so much a test, as it is another aspect of life on earth. You drew a short straw. It’s how much meaning and energy you can muster in lieu of its length that matters.
PRACTICE
Nothing you’ve done thus far in life has quite prepared you for this. Yet, some of your skills, and emotional intelligence will be of great use. Managing people, organizing time and activities, running a household, driving like an Uber master, hand holding, listening, and practicing stability and equanimity in the face of tumult will fit the bill. And you don’t have to be expert at any of these things. You just have to be willing. Willing at first to be shocked and sad. Willing to share your good heart and good intention with your person. Willing to make mistakes and live deep in the mess of imperfection. Lean in. Yes, you’ll feel shitty. But not always. You’ll feel good. Not always either. This is your lot and your life. Make it sing.
MEDITATION
As you follow your breath in a seated position, inhale I’ve got you, exhale you got me!